you know it's been a long time since your last post when ...

You can't remember the Web site on which you blog. :) Whoopsie!

We visited the 'free zoo' last weekend (not this past, but the one before that) -- we saw the doggies and the kitties and the birdies and the mousies and the things that are reptilian and the fishies. Even some that were called 'Mickey Mouse' fish because of the markings on their tails!
This particular free zoo is called PetSmart. I suppose in D.C. it's just called the National Zoo. But ours is called PetSmart.
Maddie loved the doggies. She was freaking out, but in a good way, when we stood on the other side of the glass, watching them play (they're not for sale, but there either for obedience class or doggie day care). Lizzy wanted to go in and play with them. But I said we weren't allowed.
Then Maddie cleaned the floor some by crawling around a lot. That girl can scoot! And she is not afraid of much. Except for being torn away from Mommy or Daddy. That's about the only thing that makes her cry. Except for going 'bounce bounce SPLAT' at the bottom of the stairs. But we try not to let that happen more often than once a week or so.
We saw two wee kitties that particularly caught our eye. They were brothers, and really cute. One was a whitish yellow tabby, and one was a gray/black tabby. Matt said we could perhaps adopt them if we allowed him to name them after (cartoon) ninjas. But when I said okay, he changed his mind.

Lizzy had a birthday party this past Saturday. On the way home, she said, "Mommy, why don't WE have a pet? (the people hosting the party have a 120-pound pony -- er, golden retriever). We must be the only family that doesn't have a pet."
"I don't know, honey," I said. "I wish we had a pet, too. But at least we have Maddie!"
That answer doesn't seem to satisfy Lizzy.

In all seriousness, though, little Maddie reminds me sooo much of having a puppy. I even call her 'puppy' sometimes. She smells better than a puppy, though, I think.
She has a little dish that we put food in and put on the ground (sometimes -- hey! We can't hold her ALL the time, and I'm just talking about dry snacks, not dinner or anything), and she started yesterday kind of falling forward and putting her face into it to eat.

Perhaps it's time to find a different term of endearment for her.

opinions, please.

Okay -- so, sales parties have been, and are, pretty popular these days.
I'm fine with that. They're a fun excuse to get together, and sometimes we even want/need the products involved.
But what do you do if a friend invites you to one that you aren't really all that interested in? I guess the obvious answer is 'politely decline.' Oops. I should've done so, I suppose. But even that feels a little rude, if I have no other reason not to go.
My real question -- is it rude, at this point, to go anyway, if I'm not really intending to buy much, if anything at all? And God forbid I be persuaded/browbeaten (by the visiting sales person, not my friend, I hasten to say in this hypothetical assumption) to get more. We really can't afford it, and we don't strictly need (or even want more of, particularly) this product.
I like this friend -- I'd like to show support for her, and I'm happy to hang out with her in this girly-type fashion for a couple of hours -- but I'm feeling guilty, as if by accepting the invitation and showing up, I'm tacitly suggesting I'm going to shovel some money her/their way. Is it taking some sort of advantage to go to the party and buy very little? Especially at this point, when I've said, 'yeah, send me an invitation'?
What say you, friends? How do you handle this?

quick blast

I was reminiscing on the way to work this morning about how, this time last year, I stepped out of the shower, sneezed, and realized that my water had just broken and we were ready for ACTION!

And now, here we are, a year later, Mickey Mouse cake pan ready for use (black frosting, though? Someone wasn't thinking through that very well. Oops) this weekend, big girl who took her first few steps last week and insists on practicing and growing, big sis who is really excited about her sister's first birthday, etc., etc. Don't tell Maddie, but we got her a couple of Mickey (and Pluto) stuffed animals for her b-day, and Grandma Connie bought her the coolest pair of shoes EVER -- first big-girl pair! They're pink and sparkly and really flexible and, gulp, really expensive. Thanks, Gma Connie! -- and Grandma and Grandpa Williams sent some beautiful clothes (I assume -- they're still wrapped), and I also picked up yet another Baby Einstein video for Maddie last night at Target (the packaging says all over it, 'intended to be watched WITH your baby' -- har! So, it's NOT just baby crack, for when you're trying to load the dishwasher in peace?), and we're going to bake some cupcakes for her 'class' for tomorrow (though almost none of them is old enough for solid food. Eh, whatever -- the teachers will enjoy it). I'm especially amused by how the Mickey and Pluto have been sitting in our front hallway all week, undisturbed by Maddie.
All in all, we'll enjoy our little girl's special first birthday. I can't believe it's here, and I wish it weren't, but it is, so ... we'll do our best.

Coming soon: Stories from the 'gee, now it's time to wean. I wonder how that's done?' zone...

officially losing my baby

Well ... a week from tomorrow, Maddie turns 1.
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Oops, sorry ... okay, I've composed myself again. Mostly.
To add insult to injury ... the lady at day care told me yesterday -- the one who is apparently like a second mother to Maddie, she loves her that much -- that Maddie took a step on Tuesday, and two steps yesterday. As a friend said to me today in consolation, though -- these milestones don't really happen until you SEE them happen! (sniff) (thank you, Liz.) ;)

This child ... is so adorable, and so huge, and such a big eater, and just all that is precious and joy-inducing. I love her so much. I have to say, I have truly enjoyed just about every baby-type bit of the past year. I would even do it again, if I could. (with Maddie. Not with a fresh baby. Too risky! I might not get a nice little mellow one that time.)

We just couldn't love her more.

I can't believe, when Lizzy was this age, I got her only half the time that I now get Maddie. Matt and I were apart, and passing her back and forth. How miserable THAT was. I am so grateful that things are so very, very different this time around.

cousins

They're so cute! Here they all are during our recent visit to Spokane:



If I were more on the ball, I'd include other photos that I actually took, and perhaps some commentary on the trip, even!, ... but I'm afraid I had only enough will and way to spread them to Facebook, and no farther. Alas.

And one more cousin to come! For the first time, my brother and sis-in-law have let on that it's a girl before the baby's born. So -- eight girl cousins here pretty soon! We love girls. (good thing.) :)

for pop-pop

Matt's dad sent us a package for Lizzy a few days ago -- some really cute outfits from the Philippines.

Since he's so far away, and the blog is often the best way to impart visual informaton, we'd like to post some photos for him of Lizzy in her new tropical finery.

penny for your thoughts

You know those moments when you or your significant other does something, and the other person reacts strongly, and you think, "Hold on, now -- am I nuts, or is he?"

We had one of those moments this weekend. I would love to know what others' reactions are to this scenario.

It's pretty basic, and we've all been there -- you see a penny on the floor. Or perhaps you drop a penny, though that's slightly different, so let's stick with, you find a penny on the floor.

Do you pick it up, or do you let it sit there?
There are variables, of course. Is the floor in your own home, or is it on some nice clean carpet in your office, or is it on the floor of a bathroom (eww), or some other sticky, high-traffic area (a sidewalk, a gutter, a coffee shop)? These might be determining factors.

All I can say is, the specific scenario I was in occurred at home, in our kitchen. We were cleaning the house for a church meeting there the next day.

I saw a penny on the kitchen floor, and I pitched it in the trash. I might've put it on the counter to be dealt with later, but it was kind of gooped up -- had some gross sticky stuff on it, the way coins do sometimes. So, I pitched it.

There's some backstory here with my husband commenting previously on 'people who throw money away' -- and he did mean literally -- but I guess at the time I didn't think he meant mere pennies. I mean, who cares that deeply about A (singular) penny?

So I thought to ask him. I baited him with something like, 'are you gonna get on my back about throwing a penny away just now? It IS money.'

He looked horrified, and stricken. 'DID you???' he said. He then dug around in the trash until he found it, and stuck it in his pocket. To be forgotten about and washed sometime this coming week, no doubt.

I dunno. I find that odd. I mean, is it worth my time to pick up a penny -- a mere penny! -- and walk over to my wallet and put it in? Especially if it's goopy?

He's got change sitting around all over the place, as well. Is it really going to ever get taken somewhere and turned in for 'usable' money? To be determined.

I do use pennies. I do keep a few in the coin area of my wallet. It's quite satisfying to pull out exact change now and then, after all.

I think my time in Germany affected me in this way, a bit. The military has deemed it not monetarily sensible to ship pennies overseas, so on base, they round up or down to the nearest nickel during transactions. I LOVED that. I'm so on board with the folks who want to do away with pennies. Let's do away with dollar bills, while we're at it, and go to dollar coins. (I know we have them, but no one uses them ...) I'm all for that.

So. What do you think? Am I insanely wasteful and unappreciative? Or is Matt just a touch psycho here?
Go ahead and cast your vote. :)

parental mistakes, part (however many)

I had a horrifying realization yesterday.
We've got our one trip of the year coming up next month -- my cousin is getting married in the Houston area, and I had the brilliant idea of talking those heading up the 20-year high school reunion into tacking it onto the next weekend. Two vacations in one! So we'll be gone for 10 days in mid-June. Anyhow, it will be fun, and Lizzy is looking forward with great anticipation to seeing her cousins again for two or three days. I think we could probably leave her behind, and she’d be fine with that, except for missing her sister.
So yesterday. I’m sitting down with my calendar, trying to figure out the two-parents-working nightmare of what to do with one’s school-aged children over the summer, when I realize: I am pulling Lizzy out of the last six days of her first grade school year.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had no idea they’d still be full steam ahead in the third week of June. Really? Really??
And then they’re not starting up school again until the second week of September. Which, if you ask me, is how it should be, but I was working on the assumption it was to be the tail end of August, as it seems to fall typically. There's two weeks where her whereabouts will be unaccounted for. I've been warned by other working parents that this happens at the end of every summer -- the school-sponsored summer program ends two weeks before school begins. Hoo boy.
I’ve just been feeling not up to the task recently. Things have been falling through the ever-larger cracks in my brain with frightening regularity. Last week, I had to leave work early to get Maddie because, the night before, I’d forgotten to put the milk I expressed at work into the fridge. Yes – I remembered to take the pump to work (check!), with bottles in the container (check!), took the breaks at work (check!), remembered to bring the pump/milk home from work (check!), brought it in from the car (check!), and LEFT IT ON THE COUNTER to go bad overnight. But, lo and behold, Maddie did make it through the day, mostly by compensating by eating ever-larger amounts of ‘grown-people food’ – they feed her WELL at that day care! Pancakes, Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes, etc. – and after I picked the girls up, we ran into our neighbors on the way home, who invited us for a fun bike ride. So all turned out well, aside from me once again losing yet more stock with the good people I work with who must think me mentally challenged at that point. (and my point here is, I don’t think they’d be far wrong.)
I just almost don’t trust myself any more. This weekend, we had a complex ‘birthday party for one hour, then leave for soccer game’ schedule worked out, and I remembered all elements necessary (stuff for baby, drinks and snacks for Lizzy, birthday present wrapped, etc., swimsuit, soccer gear) EXCEPT for shinguards. Which I am told by those who play soccer, one should not be without. So we just skipped the soccer game, which was probably just as well, but I felt awful about.
Life with a full-time job and kids is just too much, too much, too much. I know I am among millions of other parents in this same boat. But I still reserve the right to whine about it. :)
Tomorrow morn will mark another attempt to get up at 5 a.m. to register Lizzy for a Fairfax County swim class on Saturday morning for the summer. (which, by the way, she’ll miss the first class of due to my reunion in Washington state.) Then I will get myself and girls ready, drop off Lizzy, and take Maddie to the doc for confirmation of suspected ear infection, and medicine. Here’s hoping I remember all the stuff I need.
Who remembers way back when this blog used to be fun to read? (show of hands) Again, my memory’s foggy, but I seem to recall that it once was.

collector

Folks, it's that time once again -- Tent Caterpillar Season.

Last year, Lizzy had a blast collecting 'pillars with friends in the neighborhood. She's really excited that the wee guys are back!

We have a tree on the side of our house that we're not wild about -- if it was even planted intentionally, it's outgrown its aesthetic quality, and is just rather tall and weird-looking. Our friendly neighborhood arborist told us what it was a few days ago, and I already have forgotten -- some sort of cherry, I think? In any case, the caterpillars are wild about it. They have set up their little tents all over that tree, and right now the tents are a mass of squirming little fuzzy dudes. It's actually kind of gross. I've very little understanding of the tent caterpillar life cycle, so I'm not sure what they're doing. Not quite big enough to leave the, er, hive yet? We've seen a few that have ventured beyond the tree, but not many. Any day now, though.

Two evenings ago, we managed to find two adventuresome individuals, and Lizzy excitedly had me stick them in her insect keeper thingie that we got her last year. She named them Friday (her 'favorite day of the week') and Chuck ('a cool guy's name'). We swapped out the first Friday and Chuck for a second Friday and Chuck last night so that they wouldn't die during their stay in our house. Or that was the idea.

It's so weird how the driveway/house exterior/fence/etc. is crawling with them for a couple of weeks, and then ... they go away. Where, I'm not sure. But now I know that they're certain to come back next year. Er, unless we do get rid of that tree.

The other thing Lizzy is longing to collect this week are 'kooky pens.' It's the sudden rage of her classroom. They're these stubby little pens that I've seen sold at Borders for four bucks apiece (I now see online that they're everywhere -- who knew) that have a clip -- her classmates clip them onto their belt buckle loops -- and rubbery fuzzy hair and individual names on the back. She borrowed one called 'Romeo' from a friend last night. If I don't come home with a kooky pen tonight, I'm not sure I'll be allowed in the door, as far as she's concerned.

the world is my feeding tray

I enjoy the babycenter.com updates I receive weekly. They're often helpful. Sometimes, I think they're out to lunch. (no spanking -- ever!!)
But they're usually pretty on target.
I'm enjoying this little bit of encouragement today:

Your life: Housekeeping woes
When you get to the point that the mess in your home is causing you stress, remember these three powerful words: Lower your standards. It's hard to keep up with the cleaning, laundry, and organization the way you did pre-baby, especially once your little one is able to move about and scatter toys all day long.

Which explains the his, hers -n- baby's heaps of laundry (clean, at least) on our dining room chairs right now.

But I'm laughing at the advice because our baby has reached that stage where cleanliness is actually vital. Vacuuming is the one thing that must be done -- if we could, probably a couple of times a day.

We had friends over a couple of weekends ago. They have kids, so they totally 'get it.' Which was handy when the guy (Christian) found Maddie chewing on something -- a leaf, as it turns out. Which had been tracked in on the bottom of someone's shoe, and probably not that day.

In a moment of boredom, she will crawl over to something she sees on the floor, carefully pincer it and bring it to her mouth. Often, it's an errant Cheerio. But a couple of times, it's been a clod of dirt.

Thank the Lord our baby has a healthy gag reflex/choking mechanism. Good gracious.

irresistible lists

I can't resist lists. They make for such easy blog posts!
This one comes courtesy of one Ms. Erin ...

Copy and paste this into your own blog, if you want to participate. Then, bold the items that you’ve actually done.

1. Started your own blog (duh)

2. Slept under the stars (might have -- but don't remember for sure)

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower (tried -- can't recall if there were many meteors, though)

6. Given more than you can afford to charity (this one's a judgment call, it should be noted)

7. Been to Disneyland

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea (that would be a little scary!)

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables (technically, I grew beans once as a kid as a school project. But I really shouldn't be able to properly count this one.)

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train Oh, I'm QUITE sure I've done this one. Multiple times! Both on a sleeper train, and ... not.)

21. Had a pillow fight (I think?)

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (Many. But my kids were!)

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language (Taught ... myself? Really? Someone's taught themself a new language?)

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (uhhh ... I feel I should answer yes? But ...)

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David (this is one of my huge European regrets. But the line wrapped around the museum, and it was our last day in Florence ... so my friend Jennifer and I spent our 4,000 lira on gelato, instead. But I hear I missed out.)

41. Sung karaoke Hee.

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (nope, just the first level. But I walked that far! Kind of impressive. [?])

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain (Does watching Spider-Man or Four Weddings and a Funeral count? Darn. Then, not that I can recall.)

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie (only the home variety)

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (Campfire girl candies, though)

62. Gone whale watching (really want to!)

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma (and then went to softball practice an hour later. Made the sprints around the bases MUCH more interesting.)

65. Gone sky diving (really want to!)

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (Ugh.)

67. Bounced a check (not for a VERY long time, I'm proud to report)

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (Mom will probably tell you that I've saved them all.)

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial (Duh.)

71. Eaten Caviar (mmmm ... maybe. Not sure.)

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades (I was seven, but being in the water with alligators staring at you from water-level leaves a lasting impression.)

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London (seen 'em, but not changing)

77. Broken a bone (can you believe, never? as I hastily search for wood to knock on)

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (speeding? I guess?)

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (again, seven. Again, lasting impression)

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person (I might have when I was a kid. I guess it did not leave a lasting impression.)

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

Second in line

There are a lot of things to love about having Kid No. 2. For instance, I just popped up into the attic and fetched down four toys -- three of them on the more expensive side -- and now Maddie's playing with them. All for the low low cost of just storing them for a few years.

When we cranked the first one up, the music (insert total plug for Leapfrog products here) made me nostalgic for the many, many hours Lizzy and I spent with the thing. It's a small table that encourages a growing baby to stand. Maddie's a wee bit young for it, but she's trying to pull herself up on stuff already. Mostly, she gets to leaning toward it, then falls into, say, a table leg and bonks herself on the forehead and cries. The cost of learning.

Maddie has no lack of help in figuring these new toys out. Lizzy just loooooooves to play with these toys, in the guise of showing Maddie how they work. We're watching this happen, sort of picturing Maddie never developing at all, learning soon that she can sit back and let Lizzy do all of the work. Ahhh, help. When you want it, it's unavailable, and when you do get it, it's in all too great a quantity.

In other 'news,' we saw the circus today. I was hoping for some stellar scrapbook photos, but the light doesn't allow for much of that. I'll try to see if any of them are worth posting later on. All in all, though, Matt and I are pretty sure that's the last show of any kind we'll see for awhile. Lizzy just isn't that wowed any more. She spent a lot of time being upset that we weren't in the FIRST ROW (we were in the second row, though!), because the FIRST-ROW spectators were taken out to the floor and driven around during one of the manic Disney meets Cirque de Soleil numbers. (this was actually Barnum and Bailey, for the record.) And the people-movers were even shaped like teacups! The injustice!! So, we'll stick with buying necessities for ourselves instead of lavish productions for our spoiled suddenly pre-teen. Oh yeah -- Lizzy has informed me that she's too old for Disney princess stuff. She traded her pink Disney princess backpack for a blue High School Musical-themed pack last weekend. Ahhh, the end of an era.

Until Maddie gets there -- hurrah! I'm already looking forward to it.

Is change gonna come?

Don't worry -- I'm not suddenly going to do a political post. :) Just business (so to speak) as usual, for this space.

Our joyful little Maddie has always seemed to get a huge kick out of being on the changing table. I don't know if it's the up-close face-to-face with some of her favorite Big People, but she smiles and smiles and loves to interact there. That's where she giggled for the first time, in fact, on Halloween. (and I don't think she was just laughing at my football jersey and the black under my eyes. But I guess you never know.)

These days, though, she's so active, it's become a real challenge to get that dirty diaper off and a clean one on. It feels like I'm trying to change a diaper on a chicken roasting on a spit; Maddie will flip over to her stomach, then her back, and just keep on revolvin'. She loves giving Mommy a challenge, perhaps?

The generally sure-fire weapon in my arsenal has been my long hair. If I dangle it over her face (putting my head sideways), she grabs it and yanks it back and forth, but at least she is thus occupied and holding still, on her back. This also hurts, and puts my face uncomfortably close to the "action," but it works, so I deal.

What I really don't like are the couple of times she has grabbed my hair, yanked my head close and then employed her froggy kick to my chin. This child is STRONG, y'all. Strong and playful, and almost always happy. I suppose I can't get too upset at damage she doesn't even know she's causing.

easter

Maddie let us keep this rabbit hat on her head for more than 0.3 seconds! Longer than her sister at her age, that is. Yay Maddie!

Wee Maddie has really gotten into the crawling. At least, fundamentally -- she can do it pretty well. Something about her slightly jerky movements reminds me of a mechanical toy. It's just the cutest thing -- like seeing a chubby plastic doll chugging along.
She doesn't really love it, though. It's more a method of convenience. If everyone, or the people she wants (Matt or me), leave a room and she notices and doesn't like it, she'll trek into the next room, looking for us. (but it's not like we leave her for long; don't get concerned!)
When Lizzy learned to crawl, she was everywhere, as I recall. Loving it; testing the new skills to the limit. Maddie seems more of a content child, dipping into the newest skill only when practical.

mourning my lack of dink-dom

I've been pondering off and on lately, for some reason, a life stage that I didn't experience.
The fact that I missed it is my own fault (obviously, for those of you who have known me for years), and so I'm not blaming anyone. More just wondering what I missed, I suppose.
Because it seems like there's a lot of value in knowing one's spouse for years before having children. I know some people do things "the right way" -- marriage before kids -- and still a kid comes along almost instantly for them, as well. But I rather envy the folks who had a few years between wedding and firstborn.

I recall as a singleton thinking that certain tasks -- a classic example would be, bringing a nice home-cooked dish to a potluck -- should be more the area of the married couple. I'm the single person. I can get away with providing the bag of chips or bakery cookies or easy salad or something. What makes me laugh now is, I give myself the same excuses as a married parent. Hey -- I have no time, right? So someone else will still have to provide the really good stuff. (this example probably speaks more to my general laziness regarding food preparation than anything.) Fortunately for my hypothetical fellow potlucking friends, my husband doesn't subscribe to this theory, and will usually go overboard to provide something fitting.

That's obviously a silly example. More important is the one-on-one time with my spouse. Getting to know him, building common memories, doing a few grown-up things before the decades of kid things descended. Even just one grown-up vacation together, perhaps? A bit of money spent on ourselves, not kids or kid care?

The time spent just feathering the nest would've been nice, too. And planning things slowly, one step at a time ... There are so many projects I would love to dive into -- wedding photo album, say -- that languishes undone in favor of laundry or some child-related need.

I don't really wish I could go back and do many things over again. I truly acknowledge the wisdom that says that I learned from my mistakes. I do feel that I have. But the one thing I wish I could give my spouse that I never really fully will be able to prove to his satisfaction is the gift of knowing that I really, truly 100 percent choose to be with him because ... well, because I want to be with him. And again, thinking back on how things went down, who could blame him for always doubting that? He would have to be stupid to NOT doubt that. Though, by the time we got married (and still), I would not have been with anyone else for all the world.

Marriage just by necessity takes a back seat to the children's concerns. And we've got a loooong road to walk before we're done chasing after children's concerns. Sometimes I wish we'd had a little 'us' time first.

And then my more cynical, sensible self says, perhaps if I hadn't gotten pregnant, I never would have gotten married at all. I know myself. I know the levels of perfection and idealism I put on certain things. Would I ever have actually chosen to marry someone? I'm betting I wouldn't have.
When I think about it that way -- not to mention what a sweet, cool, fun, talented, deeply interesting and conversational guy I ended up with -- how things went down isn't so bad.

I wouldn't for one second say that, in general, a life lived without husband and/or children is a life not fully lived. But I would say for me, I would've felt a deep lack. And regret.
I often truly believe my deepest motivator is the avoidance of regret. I don't know how sound that sort of logic is, but it seems to be the way I operate.

All that said ... I'll be happy with what I have, and try to ignore the little what-ifs that occasionally creep in.

random shots

Here are some photos, taken within the past three weeks. Just for funsies.


The girls! (on Valentine's Day)



Matt and his (little) girls.



Lizzy and her nearly head-sized meatball from one of our favorite restaurants, Buca di Beppo (where we ate a family Valentine's Day dinner)



Matt and his favorite dessert ("without a doubt!" he says.) (and, yes, he shared.)



Maddie, being her cute and happy self.



A hip -n- hilarious food pattern (prunes, of all things!) that I couldn't resist snapping a photo of.


The view out our front door, last Monday.



A picturesque fire Matt made that day. (note snow still on logs!)

what a great day!

I just have to blab a bit about what a great day we had.
To start with, I got on the new bike we bought for me a few weeks ago FOUR TIMES. Four times! Matt wasn't even home for a good chunk of today, yet I took four (okay, of varying distances, but still) bike rides!!
The 70-degree weather didn't hurt a bit. I told a couple of people that, to me, this would probably be remembered as the best weekend of the year, weather-wise. Still too early for almost all of the bugs (but they're comin'), nice and warm, but NOT TOO HOT. Really, that's all it takes.
I meant to rave about how great it feels to have a bike again back when we bought it -- three weeks ago now -- but just haven't gotten the chance. I last had a bike five years ago. It was a yellow mountain bike with front shocks that I thought were spiffy. I bought it in Germany, at one of the military bases there. As my dad pointed out, it was probably a bit too big for me. My neck got sore sometimes from riding it -- I had to lean over too far, and tilted my head too much. But I rode it a lot in Germany. There was a back route through spargel fields to the next wee town. Then I'd ride back along a bike path next to the street. How I love Germany for its bike paths. And spargel fields! Sometimes, I could hear a cuckoo who must've lived in a nearby tree when I'd pedal past. A cuckoo! How cool is that.
Anyway, I put a lot of miles on that bike, and liked it quite a lot, whether or not it fit quite right. And then, someone stole it. From my apartment building in Rosslyn. Shortly after I'd decided that, now that I had a baby (and a bunch of baby stuff), it would no longer fit in the smallish one-bedroom apartment I had there. So I put it in the basement, but unfortunately all of the good spots to lash it to were taken by other bikers. (railings, etc.) So I just wound a chain through the frame and wheels, and took the seat off. But that wasn't enough of a deterrent, turns out.
Matt believes he even saw the guy who took it. That's a funny story in and of itself, but it's a bit too un-PC to tell here. Ask me sometime.
Anyway ... I've been mourning that bike ever since. Not the bike, actually; but I've been bummed, and rather bitter (as it was stolen -- stealing is one thing that REALLY CHAPS MY HIDE), not to have a bike for this amount of time. I do invest in a certain amount of self-pity since I've been a mom. Hello -- not much is mine anymore. My body still isn't yet all mine from this last go-round. I don't have much money, even less time, etc. etc. ... okay, enough about that. But I certainly didn't have a bike. And exercise opportunities are painfully hard to come by.
So this tax season, Matt decided that the one splurge we would make would be bicycles, and enough kiddo stuff to make them usable. This took the form of a decent bike from a bike shop for me, and a lesser, but (we hope) still serviceable bike from Target for him. We gave Craigslist a shot for a bike trailer (Maddie) and one of those copilot thingies where it makes the grown-up's bike a tandem of sorts, with a kid seat on the back (Lizzy), but we kept getting beaten out, so we said, you know, okay. We'll just buy them. Ugh. So, we did.

This is the first weekend that we've had all the pieces in place. Out we went! Since Matt had a music practice to get to, Lizzy opted to squeeze into the bike trailer with Maddie, and amazingly enough, it worked. First time out, we went a fair distance, and when we forgot to bring a pacifier and Maddie started squawking (she was tired), Lizzy sang her to sleep. Sweet big sister!
The downside to biking today was, we've still had so much snow on the ground until yesterday (or, in some cases, today) that the ground was still quite wet and squishy and, in some places, muddy. I don't have a mudflap on my back tire, so at one point, I looked back into the trailer to see a big mud splotch on Maddie's cheek. Whoops!
Mighty fine day, I tell you. Tomorrow looks fairly promising, too!

girls and self-esteem

Man, this stuff starts early.
Lizzy recently got a writing board from IKEA -- it's a nice little addition to the living room, and she finds fun things to do with it. Write messages for visitors, draw pictures and have us guess what they are, etc.
The most recent thing on the board is a line down the middle, and two categories: "Likes Lizzy" on the left side, and "Dosent like Lizzy" on the other side.
When I first saw the sign, the score was 1 to 1. Maddie and I have since voted, making the score 3 to 1. (Maddie told me how she wanted me to vote on her behalf.)
"Who said 'doesn't like Lizzy'?" Matt asked when he saw the board. "She did, of course," I said.
She wouldn't tell Matt why she voted that way. I tried later that night, at bedtime.
"I don't want to tell you," she said. "I won't tell anyone. Some things, I don't want anyone to know."
Also recently, she's been really insistent that we respect the privacy of her bedroom. Which is fine with me, though I do reserve the right to peek in there occasionally for such purposes as to see if she's still taking a (rare) nap, etc. But I try to respect her privacy, for the most part. She can really get mad if I barge in without announcing myself.
I mean, really. She's not even six and a half yet! Where does she GET this stuff??
I've been struggling lately with the balance between correcting my child and boosting her self-esteem. And trying (far too often, unsuccessfully) to model respect for her. But she's been doing a lot of shouting at us lately, and attempting to order us around, and lots and LOTS of interrupting.
What on earth? Is it a stage? Have we already gone horribly wrong as parents? Have we applied too much discipline? Not enough? Sometimes I think one, sometimes the other. Did we wait too long to have child No. 2?
This parenting gig is not for the faint of heart.

note to self

I never realized how good spicy food feels on a scratchy throat. Seriously! Kind of like a fancy treatment of some kind.
Thank you, tofu curry from the food court!

other notes

Lizzy has come through a really bad flu the past few days. She stayed home Thursday and Friday, and Saturday we spent seven hours at the after-hours doctor clinic with her hooked up to an IV for most of it. She had been throwing up for most of two days, and was complaining about her stomach hurting, and I got worried. (also, there was a story in the newspaper earlier that week about two local pre-teens who DIED of the flu. Holy cow.) That was, naturally, not the most fun way to spend a Saturday, but I do think it helped Lizzy get better, and I don't know how it would've gone otherwise. So I guess the crazy inconvenience, etc., was worth it.
Work has turned into a giant nightmare lately. I know it's somewhat suicidal to complain about work on the great blogosphere, so I will leave it at, we suddenly have a lot more to do in my department these days. And since my department is small, that's a problem. It means that I'm mostly okay if I work like crazy and try not to worry about being as careful as I'd like to be, if I'm there five days a week. But if I miss a day -- and, these days, SOMETHING comes up most weeks (doc appt., child illness, snow), I am done for. I don't even know what we'll do when someone goes on vacation. (I should note that I'm quite grateful I'm employed, that doesn't seem to be in danger, I still like what I do, etc., so I really have nothing to complain about. I know.) Unfortunately, there's what's being touted as a huge (for the D.C. area) snowstorm bearing down on us -- I see it starting to fall outside -- and that portends absolute catastrophe for work this week. I hate being freaked out by snow. I'd love to be one of those people who enjoys it, but given the current work situation, I do not have that luxury. And I'm rather bitter about it all.
It feels like a real no-win situation, and, you know, I have enough stress right now. But we'll get through the week somehow, and my stock at work will slide a little further, and ... it stinks, but again, I suppose I'm still employed.
And there's always the hope of getting sleep in more than two-hour chunks someday. (which relates to nothing except the resulting addled condition of my brain.) I have faith it will happen. Someday.
Maybe the up side to the snow is that I'll have a concrete situation to point to when (as I've heard will be soon) we're capable of setting up a work-from-home situation. (I said CAPABLE. I didn't say PERMITTED.) And as much as I'd love to work from home a couple days a week, I don't expect that. But how grand it would be to be able to put in, say, a half-day if we're all home because we're socked in by snow.
Ahhh, one can dream.
So, enjoy the snow, those of you who enjoy snow. I'll take some small measure of happiness knowing that it pays off for someone.
But, c'mon. It's MARCH. In VIRGINIA ... Bah.

twister and shouter

Our little Maddie is a very different baby than she was even two weeks ago. With the babies, it feels like they hit a plateau of sorts now and then, and you think "Huh? Why aren't you (fill in the blank -- eating solid foods yet, crawling yet, sleeping better yet, etc.)" And then, all of a sudden, practically out of nowhere, they start doing something new!
Maddie is now sitting up super well by herself, and figuring out how to get places by sort of falling forward or sideways, then rolling one way or the other or stretching herself out or any non-crawling way to get whatever it is that catches her eye. I'll leave the room for a minute (usually, Lizzy's in there with her, so it's not like Maddie's alone), and I'll come back, amazed at how far she's gotten -- usually stuck in a corner of some sort, but often not unhappy about it. Again, she's not even crawling yet! Though she has started to do a backwards scootch sort of thing. I had to start making sure she was wearing a solid (snap-crotch) top as part of her outfit, because she would get a rug burn on her tummy when the backwards scootch made her top slide up. What a turkey.
She started eating solid foods all of a sudden, too. One day, I tried feeding her chicken, and that was a spectacular success. Today, she ate an entire container of baby food (applesauce/cherries), plus some of a peaches container, from me at home! Unprecedented. She's been reserving that trick for the ladies at day care. And she's been a Cheerios fiend for a couple of weeks now. She LOVES her Cheerios! I've heard it said before, and I'll repeat it: Whoever invented Cheerios, it's as if they did it with babies in mind. Those little pincher fingers learn so well on Cheerios.
All of this new movement has its downsides, of course -- Maddie's now rolling around on the bed, so the fact that we don't have her in a crib is suddenly a real problem. We got out the crib months ago, and Matt has it mostly set up, but naturally there's one piece missing, and naturally it's not something you get get online ... ugh. Lizzy practically skipped the crib stage in favor of a high-sided bed from Ikea. I'm tempted to try the same with Maddie, but this probably breaks all kinds of vital baby-survival rules, so I imagine we'll have to fix or get a crib that actually functions. Drat.
Also -- Maddie has gotten stellar, pretty much as of this weekend, at twisting herself onto her tummy almost immediately upon being placed on the changing table. I have yet to master changing a diaper when the kid is face-down, so I'm at a disadvantage. I think it's suddenly a two-person job, this diaper-changing -- one person to distract one end, and the other to take care of business at the other end.
One last Maddie note. I've decided that if Maddie were a superhero (bear with me on this one), her super power would be a supersonic screech. I believe those of you acquainted with my daughter in person have probably heard what I'm talking about. The difference these days is that she's hitting that high note (or frequency?) FOR FUN. She'll be sitting on the floor, playing, and shrieking her head off. The screech has never bothered me overly, but it makes Matt's head just about explode. I've not seen a baby as screechy as ours. Good thing she's mostly good-natured. But when she shrieks (with happiness) these days, I picture superbabies all over the area (and perhaps dolphins and dogs, as well), pricking up their ears and preparing to lend a super-hand. She's got the communique part down, plus, she can pierce the eardrums of any bad guys! Pretty sweet.
I'd post a photo of the increasingly chubby child, but my computer has decided that it doesn't want to be terribly user-friendly about downloading photos from my camera. Which is a real shame, since that's much of the reason I purchased the piece of crud. I'm still pretty unhappy with the computer situation, but I don't have enough free time these days to mess with it to have it occupy much of my mental capacity for outrage.

our little model

We had a practice photo shoot with the uber-talented iPete earlier this week. As expected, he pulled out some great effects! Though he had a pretty cute subject to work with, in my opinion.
He said I could share the results, so here are a few shots. Again, that's courtesy of iPete! Photog (and musician, and friend) extraordinaire!

I'm editing this to clarify -- we're not practicing modeling for Lizzy, we're helping Pete launch a second (third? fourth? fifth?) career in child photography! I'm not sure how much 'help' he needs, but we didn't mind reaping the collateral photos that came along with it.

cuddles

Recently, an old (as in longtime) friend who has a baby around Maddie's age remarked on her blog that around 6 months was one of her favorite 'baby ages' -- they're cute and cuddly, interactive, but not too mobile (and independent) yet. I commented that I was having a hard time with the stage. Missing my newborn, and yet a bit impatient with my child's impatience to be able to amuse herself (by scooting around and getting into trouble).
I think I've changed my mind.
Maddie is such a treat to merely pick up these days. It's like handling a koala bear. She kind of curves herself into you -- until she feels like pushing away a few seconds later in pursuit of something new, that is -- and the top of her head is so soft. She (physically) reminds me of Verne the turtle, from the 'Over the Hedge' comic strip. He's got a little spike of hair on top, and a prominent nose, and cute little fingers, and a poochy tummy, just like my wee girl. As her daddy said, Maddie looks like a cartoon character -- all circles held together with chub.
And she's reaching for us these days, which of course warms my heart. Reaches and rewards with big smiles. Unless she sees me and she's hungry, in which case I get cries. But that's okay.
When we put her on her tummy, she pushes herself way up, and sometimes leans back on her haunches, as if considering the possibilities. It's getting easier to imagine the day she will be scooting around, exploring all on her own.
She's getting more of the hang of the solid food-eating, too. Still not exactly all the way there, but so much better. Not sleeping terribly well yet, either, but I'm dealing.
Big girl, getting bigger.

tonight's dilemma

A movie of the highest importance -- to one of us, at least -- is released on DVD today.
Also, the first 'America gets to vote' episode of 'American Idol' is on tonight, complete with the loathsome Tatiana.
What to do? What to do?
Do I deny the 6-year-old her right to watch the movie I didn't get her to the theater to see? No way am I staying up late enough after her bedtime to watch 'my' show. Two hours of A.I.? Sounds like a bit much, and yet -- I've GOT to be there!
The Hubby says, no big deal! We have two TVs.
And I wonder: It's bad enough to be the family that will be watching TV all evening. Do I really want to be That Family? The one who is watching two DIFFERENT TVs all evening?
Ugh.

vermin update

It's now more than halfway through February. Time to take stock of certain things.
I am ready to declare our home lice-free (as judging from my child's bugless, non-itchy hair and scalp) and squirrel-free (as judging by the lack of noises in the attic. And trust me, I'm awake plenty often to have heard them).
May I take this opportunity to simply say,
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

winter of my content

As I rode home on the metro yesterday, I contemplated the fact that I was slightly annoyed that it was still light out, and I'd been a little too warm all day.
And then I realized, with some shock: I'm actually not tired of winter. I would like it to continue for a bit longer.

I've been conditioned for so long -- living anywhere that I've lived but the D.C. area -- to dread winter, and rejoice as it passes. No more cold, dark days! Time to get back outside and enjoy God's green, thriving, awakening creation!
I used to think of February, and even March, as it's too much of a tease, as being the bleakest time of year.
But here? I'm just too darned hot most of the rest of the year. Especially, what, May through (insert month that seems to occur increasingly later in the year -- September, say?).
I enjoyed the cold this winter. It felt like some sort of interesting blanket about me as I walked down 14th street to work each morning. Cold and alive and stimulating.
Also, I seem to equate 'cold air' with 'clean air'. Germs can't live in cold air, right? Cold air seems to smell fresh and clean. In summertime, D.C. smells (and feels) like one giant armpit.
I think what alarms me somewhat as I come to enjoy winter, and dread summer, more each year is the possibility that this is a sign of age. Is it? Does this mean I'm getting old, as surely as do the gray hairs and longer list of things my digestive system won't tolerate?
If so -- eh. So be it. Right? I can't change it, so I should embrace it. (right???)
And, granted, this winter was quite mild. We had, what ONE snow day? Yes, I'm wishing doom upon myself by saying this less than halfway through February. You can all praise (if you're a student or a teacher)/blame (if you're anyone else) me for the three-day snowstorm we'll surely have late next week.
It surely feels about time to move to a colder, less humid place. Hm ... I bet there are places in Washington state that might fit that bill ... ;)

one way in which Lizzy is utterly unlike me

My dear little Lizzy, who suddenly seems to be on fast-forward en route to growing up, decided last night that I should set her alarm clock for "whenever she needs to get up tomorrow morning."
Yes, she has an alarm clock, but it's a Hello Kitty clock she's had for years -- basically so we can tell what time it is when we're in her room. We've certainly never used the alarm function before.
Since wake-up time for her is a) whenever she wakes up, or b) 10 minutes before Matt and I are ready to scoot out the door, it's hard to pin down an exact time.
When I realized I was running late this morning, I actually sneaked into her room to set it back 10 minutes. So I suppose, yeah, she does have a snooze button just like Mommy!
Maybe we're not so unlike after all.

Pop-Pop, these are for you

I think just about anyone else I know is on Facebook, or (in one friend's case) I e-mailed these photos to directly. So, for our family contingent in the Philippines, a couple of cute photos from last week's snow day!

definitely my kid

Last night, as Lizzy and I attempted to make our week to come a little saner by doing her class valentines in advance, she was asking me how to spell a teacher's name. (she wants to give her extra valentines to her art teacher, P.E. teacher, etc.) She pronounced the name "Ms. Deh-vall," so, not knowing the teacher from Eve, I spelled "Duvall". Perhaps it was the semi-late hour, but I had learned by that time in the process that questions only make her anxious. Pretending to know as fact was the only way to proceed. The poor girl had really freaked out earlier over our not remembering how to spell "Ms. Britney" (Britany? Brittany? Britnee?), a woman who works at her day care. Darned if I can remember the Christmas list that the day care ladies helpfully (and hopefully) set out in December.
My little girl definitely takes pride in spelling things correctly. And I, probably foolishly, take pride in her doing so, as well. I wonder where the "anal" gene is located on the chromosome ...
Yeah, so her teacher has about six assignments due this week, if you count valentines. Thanks a heap, I say! We're even supposed to make a creative box for the valentines to be deposited by Friday. Hasn't that always been the purview of the school? A little class art project? A coworker reminds me that the schools are too busy these days teaching to their tests. Oh, goody. So we get to 'teach' everything else in all our spare time at home.
Matt's been (legitimately) consumed with a music project for the past two weekends, and I'm coming apart a bit, trying to be single mom person. Knowing full well that there are millions (probably) of moms out there who do it all the time, either for lack of spouse, spouse serving in military, spouse with off-hours job, or whatever the reason. And, oh yeah, all the undersung stay-at-home types! All I know is, it's darned tricky, simultaneously catering to the needs of an infant and a 6-year-old. And those bins of clothes that I washed two and three weeks ago, but haven't had time to fold and put away, are making me about cry.
Matt had a birthday on Friday. I got him: A card, and two candles that he requested from Target. Which doesn't even count. I feel pretty bad about that. No cake, or anything! Unfortunately, more of the same is in store for Valentine's Day. At least he has no expectations. Nor do I. We can sit down together and romantically write mortgage payments and checks to the day care, if we want to remember why we don't spend money on each other. :)
Lizzy has had her moments, but I don't know if it's ever been worse than this Saturday night. She just LOST it with me. I strongly suspect a late night the night before had a hand in her behavior; regardless, she was particularly vile. I got my first "I hate you," and lots of slamming doors, screeching and nonstop interrupting when I attempted to say anything at all. She was a mess. I admit, I lost it a bit myself, and we were both out-and-out screaming at each other somewhat. I don't remember doing that with my mom. I don't remember thinking I would live to see another minute if I were to do that with my mom. Maybe my parents are right; maybe we've allowed Lizzy to make too many decisions in her short life. She really seems to think she's in charge a lot of the time. Huh? No, I don't THINK so. We allow you certain input. That doesn't make you a co-parent of yourself, or your sister. Ah -- those battles are mostly to come!
And then, almost in the next breath, Lizzy will be so genuinely sweet, helpful and loving ... I just don't know. Don't know what to do with all of that.
It's interesting to me that Maddie remains impassive through these exchanges. Tension among family members seems to bother her not at all. I recall a baby and wee child Lizzy being rather freaked out when her parents argued. (though perhaps she was older than six months; I don't recall.) For Maddie, apparently, it's all good.
I need to convince Matt to hang around the house more, so his girls don't tear each other apart one day.
Maddie continues to wake me up pretty much hourly overnight. I just don't understand it. Where did my good little sleeper go ... at this point, I would kill for the old three-hour sleep intervals. Heck -- two hours! Two consecutive hours of sleep! Sounds way better than it used to.
The notion that this will not go on forever sustains me. Until then, I remain mostly incoherent, most of the time.
Thank God for strong coffee. And thank God I'm in an industry in which a mistake will not kill anyone. Except those of us who die a thousand small deaths when we see mistakes in print. But, with the way the industry is going -- editors being let go, copy editing being outsourced to India, for goodness' sake -- we might as well get used to it.
I'm looking at my nails -- they're all scraggly and uneven. My hair is a fright. My clothes are unironed -- well, okay, that's always the case. I feel like hanging a sign around my neck that says "Don't judge me -- my kid won't let me sleep."
Ahhhh, Monday.

okay, I'm not THIS bad.

Avoid Krispy Kreme because of the Ks? Wow. That's just not enough reason for deprivation. Even for the likes of me.
I haven't even read most of this story, but it's already something I have to share. Enjoy, o wordsmiths among us!

Christmas girls

As expected, we enjoyed some serious cuteness on the premises 'round Christmastime. Here's the proof!

No, that's not how we spell it, but that's all Grandma Williams could fit on the stocking! (we decided collectively that 'Mad' on one side and 'Die' on the other would be in poor taste.)

new year

That title should lead to some sort of introspective, at least passably interesting post, but I'm sorry to disappoint. I'm more just checking in.
It's not like I've been busy, just without any spare time -- at work or home. Last week, I was home from Tuesday afternoon through Friday with a sick Maddie. That didn't help. So I had to return to work Monday and try to get a week's worth of stuff done in two days. I made a couple of mistakes -- who's surprised? But the edition appears to be getting out today, so that's what counts.
Since Maddie's been better, she's continued the extreme neediness that marked her days of sickness. (she had a not-so-high fever, and was generally not herself. Nothing extreme, though.) Over the weekend, she woke every HOUR to feed and/or be settled back to sleep. I joke not. The past two nights, it's been "only" every two hours, and I can really feel the difference. I'm functional again. Crazy that waking every two hours would seem like relief.
I've decided that her mania is because she needs solid foods. She's having to resort to desperate measures to "feed the chubs," as I say. My, this child is a solid little chunk! I look around at 7-month-olds I know, and they look small and scrawny by comparison.
I'm eager, yet a little afraid, to embark upon solid foods because last time it seemed like Lizzy's day care really led the charge. This time, the day care Maddie's at seems to be hanging back, waiting for me to take the lead. (Go figure, as I AM the parent ...) But again, life feels a little too crazy to be trying ANYTHING new. Yet try we must, this weekend ... a kid who won't take formula has got to be nourished somehow. And the exclusive Mommy days are severely numbered, for the good of all.
I hope to post a few Christmas photos here soon. As soon as I get a moment to myself at home ... Maddie won't even go to sleep by herself these days. She seems to have a deadly accurate sense of whether someone is right there beside her or not, even in her sleep. Can you say spoiled ...