e-mails from the bad place

I am willing to bet that each and every one of you has seen this e-mail -- or its kissing cousin -- before. And yet, I share it with you in the spirit of mockery.
Gee -- I hope the friend who sends me these e-mails doesn't know I have a blog. Oh, well. I'm willing to risk it.

I mean, “Someone that you don’t even know exists loves you”? How improbable is that?
And, also. Tequila. TOTALLY not made with lemons.

This one is titled, "Tequila & Salt." I am informed right off that it should be taped to everyone's bathroom mirror. (how big is YOUR bathroom mirror? Mine is used to aid in makeup application and to ensure that I don't have a dribble of toothpaste stuck to the corner of my mouth, not taping pseudo-inspirational forwarded e-mails to. In case you were curious.)
Also: "You may not realize it, but it (this e-mail) is 100 percent true."

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
(I can think of one. Well, maybe two... Okay, this one might be true.)

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
(Wow! awesome. I rule.)

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
(it couldn't be because you did something hateful! NO.)

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
(this obviously not written by someone who lives anywhere near D.C.)

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
(ewwwwwwww...)

6. You mean the world to someone.
(I'll buy that, but only because I have a 3-year-old. Soon enough, she will hate me.)

7. You are special and unique.
(just like everyone else!!)

8. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
(that seems highly implausible.)

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
(Another awesome one! Maybe I'll just stick to making mistakes, then.)

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take another look.
(a tip for those who find pain enjoyable.)

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
(unless they regard your hygiene. Then, please, do remember them.)

So ... If you are a loving friend, send this to everyone, including the one that sent it to you. If you get it back, then they really do love you. And always remember...when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt and call me over!!