party off, dudes

Prepare yourselves for some whining...

Okay, when did having people over to celebrate a major (or minor) milestone become such a BIG FREAKING DEAL? I have wondered about this for the past several years, but it's now become frighteningly relevant as my daughter nears the Dueling Parties age. (cue tinkly little kiddie-sounding banjo music)

Once upon a time, in a land that feels far, far away, kids gathered at the Birthday Boy or Girl's house for a couple of hours of harmless, albeit sugar-infused, revelry. Games were played, presents opened, cake and perhaps ice cream consumed, balloons noisily popped. Thus sated, the revelers went their merry ways. All appeared content.

Then -- when? I don't know -- something happened -- I don't know what. Capitalism? Keeping up with the Joneses? Or is this one of those East Coast vs. West Coast deals (my mother's theory)? All I know is, parties now must be done on a Grand Scale. Lizzy and I went to a Build-a-Bear party this past Sunday. For those uninitiated into the Build-a-Bear world (if I could link to things, I would find a link now -- I probably should have called this the Luddite Letters), it's a big, happy, noisy store bursting with overpriced stuffed animal accessories where little ones can pick out their very own plush animal carcasses -- mostly bears, but some bunnies, giraffes and the like, as well (act fast and you can get an Elmo! but it's a limited-time offer), have an adult stuff them, have an adult stitch them up, and have their own parental-type adult buy them and stick aforementioned accessories on them.

So we're at this party, along with eight other munchkins from the Lizzard's day care (which, did I mention, is where Deep Throat and Bob Woodward met? Yeah, I know, I did already mention it, but I still think it's cool). Making nine children. They each constructed a $15 bear, then kitted it out with $15, Disney Princess-themed garb. Actually, Lizzy's was Tinkerbell-themed. Which was foolish and short-sighted, because those mesh wings and that magic wand can possibly poke her in her sleep. But I digress. My point being, nine times thirty bucks. Then we all trooped down to the ice cream store, where we consumed some frozen sugary goodness. (Build-a-Bear apparently cannot accommodate cake at their parties, probably because of "space reasons," though I suspect it's more like "it doesn't put money in our pocket reasons.") Fun party, as 3-year-old parties go. But pricey! Last fall, we went to a 2-year-old party where the parent "rented" the gymnastics folks who come to the day care to give our kiddies lessons on how to jump, hang from a bar, etc. each week. I don't know the price tag there, but I doubt it was far behind ol' Build-a-Bear. Oh, and the other weird thing? At both these parties, the kids of honor did NOT open their presents. Big heap o' presents left there as we departed. And how could I forget to mention the obligatory lovely parting gift? The "goodie bag" we need to pack for the little ones who attend these functions.

I wonder what would happen if, 'round about this November, 7, we did what my parents did for my parties when I was under the age of 8 or so. Which, as far as I can remember, was to play pin the tail on the donkey, and musical chairs, for which the winners got some little token, then eat cake (which Mom decorated for me each year, and was always gorgeous), then open presents.

Related rant: Weddings these days. I do love the receptions that extend into the wee hours, but when a $20,000 price tag is the going rate, what madness is this? We have to have $80-a-head sit-down dinners? And lovely parting gifts for the hundred or more dear friends who, granted, often traveled a long way to attend? (so enjoy that $4 frame with our names embossed on it. We love you!!) Clearly, hospitality is not my gift. And I DO want to have a generous spirit; I think occasionally I even manage it. It's the pointlessness I can't come to terms with.

I'm happy to hear a flip side, a rationale. Please put me in my place. I'd love to hear a REASON that we do all this. For now, it just feels like (for the kids) we exchange $20 or $30. And for the weddings, more like $50 or $100. Especially for these weddings in which "cash only is requested." Ack! Let's just all keep our money and get together and play croquet or something in the backyard. For free. Or at least, for cheap.