The Dream

Over the weekend, a friend commented that I hadn't done any pre-wedding blogging in awhile. Well -- let's remedy that right NOW, shall we!

We knocked out two items yesterday. It took Matt about 15 minutes (maybe less) to select a wedding band. He was a little horrified that it cost more than, and I quote, "Forty-five bucks," but considering that it cost about 1/30th of what my engagement/wedding rings cost (my math might be off there -- I'm a journalist, after all), I myself was not put off.
Then, last night, we dined at this lovely restaurant, which shall serve as our rehearsal dinner spot. Good thing we liked it -- I'd already reserved it sight unseen -- because there was no other option. That's the down side to having your wedding in the middle of nowhere.

I've been having a recurring dream for a few months now. I've had it at least a half-dozen times. It's about the only wedding-related dream that I've had. Some other weird things about dating someone else, then realizing that I'm actually engaged to someone I love (always a good thing, eh?), so what the heck am I doing, and that sort of pleasantness. But those are just rubbish, I figure. Sweeping out the old. This recurring dream business, though, is just silly. I'm not sure if it means that I'm hopelessly shallow -- I hope not, but entirely possible! -- or that I'm way closer to the dreaded Princess for a Day mentality than I'd intended. You be the judge. Feel free to psychoanalyze.

I'm getting ready for the wedding. Sometimes in a room tucked away somewhere; sometimes in an upper room of the reception inn that affords me an excellent view of the proceedings. There is some preparation-related disaster -- dress not ready, hairdresser not there, makeup taking hours to apply, a long line for the shower (???) -- that prevents me from completing the toiletries. (something I haven't spent more than five minutes on, usually less, since I had Lizzy, by the way.) I simply cannot get ready in time. Sometimes, that's it. Other times, everyone decides to have the wedding, and then the reception, go on without me. On the assumption that I'll be there soon, of course. In one agonizing version of this dream, I could see dear, longtime friends -- some of whom had traveled great distances to attend -- from the window, chatting with each other, laughing, having a great time, when I wasn't able to join in. All our preparations and dreams for the day, wasted. (now, in waking analysis, I'm glad they were having a good time. Really! That's most of what we want for the day.) And eventually, people have to start leaving. And ALL I CAN DO IS WATCH. Argghh!

I'm grateful, at least, that I'm not having dreams that lead me to believe I have doubts about what's really important here. And that's, our marriage. I have no doubt that I am doing the right thing. Or that we will be happily married. Or that -- and this is important to me -- our friends and family are supportive of us being together. And this is good. I know my dream tendencies enough to know that if I did have doubts about this, my subconscious wouldn't hesitate to offer it up to me in no uncertain terms.

So ... Why the fluffy stuff? Is it my frustration that it has to be a part of things? That I'm afraid it will take over entirely?

Another friend (a married woman), standing by as I related this silliness to the first friend, commented, "Believe me -- you're THE BRIDE. NOTHING will be taking place without you there. The day will revolve entirely around you."
Hm. I guess that's comforting? Sounds a little scary, itself.