where am I?

I missed church yesterday for the third week in a row ... at this point in my life, I need that weekly dose of community and spirituality and meditation and worship so badly. Also for the third week in a row, I spent Saturday night with folks of Matt's acquaintance. This 'do was less "party" and more casual get-together, for which I was thankful. A friend of his is trying to get a monthly potluck deal going, which is a neat idea. It's not that his friends are so terrible (despite what I sometimes say -- they're just not generally into what I'm into); it's just that it makes me rather bitter sometimes that I can't see my friends, new and old, more. It's kind of like how Matt's mom is really bonding with Lizzy these days. I look at that and I think, hey, I want you to know my mom like that. Not as some distant person you see once or twice a year. It makes me so sad.

Last weekend, Matt and I both felt under the weather come Sunday morn, and yesterday, I was so excited at the prospect of going to church. So was Lizzy. She referred to her bestest church friend, Ethan, in the past tense recently, and I thought (and said), No, Lizzy! He IS your friend! (sheesh. We really need to get to church for my sake AND hers.) So, we were all set to go -- ON TIME, no less -- and ten minutes before we were set to leave, Lizzy throws up. And, for no apparent reason. She was fine the rest of the day, and eventually ate normal foods, even. (though she did take an extra-long nap.) The timing was so uncanny, I couldn't believe it. Was I not meant to go to church?

And, this just happened to be the one weekend, ever, that Matt made plans with his friends at the exact same time as church. We were already trying to formulate a plan as of how to do this with our one car. So, it suddenly came down to, decide in 10 minutes or less, he or I would have to stay home with an apparently sick Lizzy ... What do y'all do in these situations? When one of you gets to go to church or work, and the other has to stay home?

I needed to go to church SO badly. But, I thought, how weirdly selfish is it of me to insist he cancel his plans so that I can go to CHURCH? And, I know, God doesn't live at church (or the coffee shop). He lives where we are. Though, it's so hard to make myself sit down and pray and talk to Him these days. I always want to take a nap or read a book instead. Because those Lizzyless, dutyless moments are painfully rare. So church usually is the only "fix" I get. And, as I mentioned before, I really miss my friends...

So, there's no tidy wrap-up to this post. I guess I wanted to say, Hey, I really miss you guys. I hope things are going well for all of you. And, though it's no substitute, if there's anything that hit you from yesterday's service, or if you want to give me a little run-down on what happened, I would LOVE to read about it.

Seriously.