With a slight apology to my friend Sonja, who had life's big unanswerable question recently:
Why?
(that being the eternal question of which I speak.)
I suppose we all pretty much come into parenthood without having previously been a parent. Some have more practice than others. I had pretty much none. I had a couple of nieces by then, but really didn't have much hands-on experience with the very young. I've have/had a couple of stages of development to dread, or look forward to, or both at once, in my mind. I didn't know if the stereotypical stories would ring true with my daughter, but some experiences seem to relate to all. Certain aspects of potty training, for instance. Or how exhausting it is when your child starts trying to learn how to walk. Or the horrors of colic. Or whether breastfeeding would be hard, easy, enjoyable, hellish. Just junk like that.
One stage that I sensed growing close, that I both look forward to and dread even now, is the "Why?" And yesterday, we reached it.
I took Lizzy to the doc. She had a crusty ear, no big deal. Nothing unusual for her, and nothing that yet ANOTHER round of antibiotics can't fix. (what the heck did people do before antibiotics? And what will we do AFTER antibiotics? I shudder to think.) On our way back to day care, she started yawning. She HATES naps and going to sleep. And also hates waking up. She's basically a teenager already, in that respect.
I said, "Lizzy! are you tired?" "No," she predictably answered.
"Well, are you hungry?" "Yes."
"You know what will happen as soon as we get to school? You'll have lunch and a nap."
"Why?" (me -- '!!!!!' IT BEGINS.)
"Well, you're yawning because you're tired. That means you need a nap."
"Why?"
"Well, a nap makes you feel better. You won't be tired when you wake up."
"Why do I hafta take a nap?"
"Because you're tired."
"Why am I tired?"
"Because you need a nap."
We went back and forth about three or four times before she gave up. So the circular argument gives Mom the round-one victory!
Does this go against the principle of Ephesians 6:4?
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See your first problem is you bought into the idea that you actually had to answer her question. You know you don't need to answer it.
ReplyDeleteReally ... you don't. Think about that.
It took me awhile to figure that one out. But when I did. Freedom.
Or answer it with obsurdities. Make stuff up. Have fun. There's nothing that says ya have ta tell the truth ALL the time.
Really.
Okay ... I better clarify. You should probably answer "some" questions. This is where discernment comes into play. But, say, the scenario you described, was ripe for the no-answer situation. Because she was really tired and no answer or something silly to make her laugh would have broken things up.
ReplyDeletehahahaha... I remember being probably 4 years old asking mom and dad WHY after EVERY question on a 4 hour car ride. Or did I ask "What's that"? And in my devilish mind, I SPECIFICALLY remembered getting high that the POWER of my question was so strong that I could ALWAYS make them answer my EVERY question... we had a talk about this during thanksgiving... and they knew what Sonja said... they didn't have to answer, but I think they were having fun answering me, too. But that only continues so long.
ReplyDeleteI'm currently a non-parent but I do have a lot of fun imagining how I might exasperate my imaginary children. Such as, making them sing "Jump down turn around pick a bale of cotton" while jumping down and turning around, before they can even ask me a question.
ReplyDeleteOK, here is my approach when we get into these discussions... actually I have a couple of different ones so I don't get bored myself. (BTW, not answering -- if you mean not responding doesn't work for me. E just gets mad.)
ReplyDeleteSo I either:
1) Use an absurd answer as Sonja suggests
2) Respond with the philosophically classical answer to the question "Why?" which is "Why not?"
-or my personal favorite-
3) follow the train of thought as far as it will go as in:
E- Why do I have to take a nap?
M- because you are tired?
e- why?
m- you played outside today
e- why?
m- you like to play
e- why?
m- you say it's fun.
e- why?
m- I guess you say it's fun because you enjoy it
e- why?
m- because when you do things that you enjoy, there are small sensors in your brain that emit chemicals that make your body feel good
e- why?
m- to encourage your body to do the things that are good for it
Now at this point she will either 1) get bored and stop asking, 2) become intrigued by something I said and we'll jump off into a real conversation about chemicals in the brain or something else I mentioned.
Either way, I have fun trying to see how long I can go. It's the best of both worlds... I can be a smart ass and educate my daughter ;)
I take the answer a question with a question technique - ususally "Why do *you* think?" Sometimes I get some really fun answers! I'm thinking about trying Ethan's approach though...
ReplyDeleteMe: Why do you want me to crawl around on the floor with a bowl on my head?
Ethan: Because, yes.