I'm feeling a bit down today on this baby business.
I kinda thought yesterday that things were starting to happen. And perhaps they were -- perhaps I was having those early contractions that eventually help set everything in motion. I was excited. I was pumped. I was ready. I was a little bummed that The Great Zucchini might be missed, but, frankly, I was mostly okay with that.
But, no. I awoke this morning, as usual -- and many times throughout the night, as usual -- and no major action had been worked up to, despite dreams of "should I call the midwives now? Should I call the birth assistant now? What's the weather like? How close are we to rush hour?"
I do realize that the due date, as sketchy a designation as that is in the first place, is tomorrow. I'm not even really DUE yet, quite. But I guess I'm ready now. And I've been on my guard for weeks -- leaving the office by informing my colleagues what will still need to be done on my behalf should I not return, etc. The up side of that is, they're always happy to see me in the morning.
But I'm to the point now where I wonder -- I really do wonder, as illogical as it is -- whether I will ever give birth. Perhaps not. Can the body re-absorb the baby? Maybe it can. Maybe this little squirmy monster in my belly will just disappear. I hope not, but ... maybe.
It seems like (s)he's ready, too. There's restlessness afoot down there. And I think the baby's moved down considerably over the past few days. No longer does my stomach feel like it's at the back of my throat, and there's a weird, empty-ish, squishy part right below my sternum.
But who decides when the baby will come? Not me, and, it would appear, not him or her. The right release of chemicals (but how do they know)? No one really knows.
I think, if the baby's not here by Friday, I'm done with work. I was going to stop after this week, but I think I'll tack on Friday, as well. Why not. I'll sit and stew at home instead of doing so at work.
I'd really like to see this baby now. I'm ready. It's official.
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I'm ready to see her, too.
ReplyDeleteEat more pineapple.
I SO understand what you're going through. I tried all the well-worn wonder workers. Except for pineapple (never heard of that) and castor oil (yuck) and evening primrose oil. I scheduled my induction, then the baby came the day before. That happened to two others I know. But I guess if you're going au naturel, you can't really schedule your induction, can you? Anyways, i'm rooting for you and checking in daily!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm delighted to hear that someone else shares what I thought was totally insane--a few days before she was born, I really could not believe that I was going to have the baby. Not at all. I felt despondent, as if it had all been this big delusion, and as if I had been fooling myself and there really was no baby.
ReplyDeleteA couple thousand diapers later, I can tell you, there was a baby in there. For sure. And she did come within two days of my finally voicing that despondency. :)
So weird! There I was, enormously rotund, and anyone would have laughed or had me committed if I had said to them, "I don't know if I'm really pregnant."
Here I was thinking (for no real reason) that you had delivered yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI "went into labor" three times before I actually gave birth with Addien and Macy. Those final days can be so hard. Thinking of you, friend.
ReplyDelete