Monday, November 10, 2008

Lizzy

I just read this, from babycenter.com. I've never really heard anyone put it like this:

It's sometimes said that a mom is the center of a 5-year-old's universe, but at 6 she gets pushed aside. At 6, the 6-year-old himself is the center of his universe. You're still apt to get your share of hugs and heart-strewn handmade cards, but don't feel too hurt if this blatant love shifts from boil to simmer.

When I got pregnant with Maddie, and counted forward to see what we'd be in the middle of when she was born, I'm not sure I fully realized all the changes that Lizzy was to go through all at once. It's hard now to separate what's due to starting a new school, and a new grade, and lots of responsibilities (most everything, I suspect), what's simply due to being a little older (some), and what's due to changes within the family as she adjusts to being an older sister, and not the only kid in town (yeah, some, to be certain).

I feel so much less patient with her these days. So easily frustrated. So desirous of her obedience -- wouldn't life be better if she would just DO WHAT WE TELL HER TO?!
She's a great helper, and she does seem to understand and accept most of the changes that come with being a big sis. But she seems to test us AT EVERY STEP. I just don't know why. I'm sure I did the same. It's funny, though -- I remember pulling some of the junk she pulls, when I was young, and yet it seems like my parents had things much better in hand. Did they? Or am I remembering later years? Or am I not remembering it accurately at all? Hard to know.
Then again, my mom stayed home with us -- our lives weren't all one constant rush to the next activity. Ugh, I hate that. I've fallen into a pattern of skipping activities here and there over the past few weekends, rather than making one more push to get to the next thing. It just gets to be too much. And we're not doing that much! I guess the birthday/Halloween parties add up after a certain point.

Lizzy's REALLY been into High School Musical lately. We still haven't seen the third installment -- currently in theaters; we're possibly going with friends, so the mother and I can commiserate as our daughters fanatically soak it all in -- but Lizzy asks to see some of either 1 or 2 just about every night.

Last night, I thought, okay. You want to see a musical? I'll show you a MUSICAL! We popped in The Sound of Music. It's in my genetic heritage to love musicals. My dad, for whatever reason -- when I asked him recently, he couldn't think of an answer -- adores musicals. Certain ones particularly, of course. He sounded shocked this summer when I said I hadn't been to see Mamma Mia!, the movie based on ABBA hits. And I love ABBA! There's just something about having a tiny baby that interferes with carefree outings such as those.

At one stretch, I had to go upstairs to try to get Maddie down to bed. Lizzy watched by herself, and I told her I'd answer any questions when I got back. (there are always questions!)
She was puzzled by the "I am 16 ..." song. 'Was the girl (Liesl) trying to get the boy (Rolf) to kiss her?' she said. 'Uh, well, not really,' I said, then launched into a halfhearted attempt to explain flirting. 'And then they kissed at the end of the song!' says Lizzy. 'But they shouldn't have, right? Were they supposed to?' I said, 'Well, I think she's trying to keep it secret from her dad, so I guess not.' 'Yeah, and if she kisses a boy, she'll have to tell the boy she marries later that she kissed someone else,' says Lizzy, and expounds on this theme for a few more minutes.
Me: "Uhhh."
I liked the moral certainty there. We'll see how long she sticks to it. I'll certainly have to remind her of that mentality when she's prime boy-kissing age. Which is, what, these days? 9? 10??

(sounds of Kate weeping openly at her desk)

2 comments:

  1. Oh, Kate. I sympathize with you, and sort of with Lizzy too. I was six when my parents adopted my sister. I had always wanted a sister and even begged for one, but still, that was six years of being used to living as an only child.

    I still remember that I felt certain, without ever questioning it or even really being upset about it, that my mom had replaced me because I was in school all day, so I was big and had left home, and she had a new baby now. I wasn't upset or jealous or mad, I just sort of took it as fact the way kids just accept things as their lives. I do remember that my dad asked me if I was jealous of my sister, and I said no, but that I did know that my mom loved her more now. But it was the kind of thing where I didn't even necessarily see that as a bad thing, just a fact. Still, it does seem sort of pathetic, doesn't it? ;)

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  2. Anonymous2:40 PM EST

    You know it was the boy kissing my daughter had trouble with regarding the Sound of Music... she couldn't understand the whole Nazi plot...

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