I keep waking in the night to remember little bits of things I want to blog about, but then I don't have time at work. Yes, as I've said, these aren't vital things, but what's a blog for, if not for near-daily non-vital things?
I often, as virtually all moms of infants do, find myself doing tiny ridiculous -- and in my mind, heroic -- things for my baby. For instance, here I am, awake at 5 a.m., when I don't HAVE to be awake until about 6:15. And, well, yes, you have an excellent point there -- Maddie is not, by any stretch, requiring me to blog. However, she IS requiring me to pump just a couple more ounces of milk at odd times. I could let her go a little hungry, of course. "You won't take a bit of formula? FINE! STARVE 'til I get there, kid!", and sometimes it inadvertently turns out that way. But, when she wakes to eat at 5 a.m. and then falls back into a blissful, sated slumber and there's, uh, one side left to go, what's a mom to do but get up, extract a pump from the sterilizer, and pump out the rest for later that day?
The point of this blog post is not meant to be how wonderful I am, but more that I feel a need to have someone SAY how wonderful I am. (no, relax; not you.) I am compelled to relate my heroics to Matt. Not all the time, but often, in the morning, at some point in our commute, I'll casually let drop -- often as he's proclaiming tiredness, which is mean, because it kind of negates his tiredness, since the implication is that it's not due to quite the selfless sacrifice that mine stems from -- how I rose at 5 a.m. to dutifully pump so that Maddie can have her three full bottles. Matt's a pretty good sport about it -- he's never called out this martyr complex, and, in the manner of good husbands, he attempts to muster up some token supportive response. But why do I need to have this exchange?
Worse yet, why do I see this flaw in myself, yet push past the self-awareness and keep doing it, anyway? I guess that's just how small a person I am.
If it's not clear, although the above is strictly true, I'm relaying it in a more whimsical tone. I'm not compounding my issues by heaping self-pity for my immaturity onto my other sins here.
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I definitely have the same martyr complex going on. I'm ashamed to say that I find myself listing in my head the things I do and comparing it with the list my husband does. I might do more household tasks, but then he doesn't keep score of our rights and wrongs, so I think he is ultimately the better person.
ReplyDeleteI too feel more than a little martyred when Jason wakes up in the morning and says,"Sinjin must have slept through the night!" Then I tell him that, no, I had gotten up 3 times the night before but that I take care to do it quietly so that it doesn't disturb his beauty rest. But it's hard to feel too martyred since he is working at the moment and I'm not.
ReplyDeleteI am glad I'm not the only one! You are better than me, though, in that I have thrown self-improvement out the window and gladly indulge in martyrdom as often as possible. Until the kids are in school, my life will ALWAYS be harder than Tim's, and I expect to be thanked and complimented as often as I feel the need. :)
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